200th Post.

So it's my 200th post, and it's the end of 2010.
I'm feeling nostalgic and teary-eyed.
I'm just overwhelmed by the life lessons I feel I've learned this week.

My great grandma's funeral, 103 years old, was held today. In her honor I wore red lipstick, a vintage black dress, and her pearls. Classy; just like her.
I once showed up to visit with her in a pair of worn out jeans, a hole in the knee. Man, did she give me a hard time about that one. There were squinting eyes and gospel questions all through that visit, questioning my testimony and integrity.
She is a riot.

I love her. And I am so happy she is up with my grandmother.
Those two were something special, something respectable.

Whenever I go to a funeral I like to think about what people would say about me at my funeral. This week I've truly realized that I want to live my life to become a lady. My dad told me: 'The wild and extravagant women will attract boys, but a lady will attract a man."

My beautiful grandmother, Shari. I never met her, but I feel like she is my best friend. She was special, she was a trooper, and she loved so intensely and so fiercely. I would adore being even close to what she was being some day. I feel like my relationship with her is so strong and I can't wait to see her. I just yearn to know her.

My siblings. Together, we have the funnest times.
My great grandmother, 102 in this picture- beautifully elegant with her fourth husband, George. Wasn't she a beauty?

My loving parents. Knowing that they love each other is what keeps my family together.

My dad and his brothers. My Uncle David, in the middle, passed away two summers ago. What a legacy he left.

My sweet red headed aunts. Their laughter and their cheer amazes me and I am so jealous of their bond. I hope my sisters and I are like this when we're older.

This is just my Dad's side, my mom's side is amazing as well. But I just wanted to share the impact that they've left on me for the rest of my life. These people really know how to live and to love.

It's what life is about.

This post may have been very cliche and very average. But they're my family and no one can ever take that away from me. They're mine, and they're mine forever.

I am done taking life seriously. I am just going to be. :]
This year has brought a lot of firsts and a lot of new things.
I'm ready to learn from those things. They've made me stronger, happier, more sarcastic, and more me.
Thanks 2010.

Jus' Some Thoughts Real Quick

I LOVE GETTING LETTERS.
Wow. Missionaries are THE greatest. My brother just gave me some advice via snail mail that I wish he'd given me a long time ago. It would have saved me a lot of pain and heartbreak.
My brother is growing up so much, he is so funny, and so smart.
He promises me so much for the future. He is my best friend.
Look at him and his Brazilian comp! Cute.


Also Logan has been sending me some awesome pictures. Some awesome letters too. :) That red head is the best.


So yeah, the missionaries sound AWESOME. :] I can't wait till they get home. They are so important in my life.

What else? OH. Got my ACT score back. My grade point average also went up. And Laaaaaurrrra is gettting a schhholarshiiiip. 600 bucks baby. And that's ONLY THE BEGINNING. [I hope.]
Hm. Now that I have updated on crappy school stuff...

Not much else to say. Still dancing. Oh. Which reminds me.

Yesterday my family and I went and visited my great grandma. She is 103, and she is a HOOT. She makes me laugh my head off. I told her I am going to school and doing lots of dance and she said: "Oo!! That makes us friends!!" She used to dance and all that jazz :] She is beautiful and I think every person in this world can learn something from her. I am so blessed and privileged to know her and to have her as a part of this life. It feels like having a piece of my grandma with me.

I know the Lord is blessing my life every day. I have the greatest people I could ask for.

Oo. Guess what. Ali Boo is coming home for Thanksgiving. Yessssssss. I have missed her more than you can imagine. I can't WAIT to catch up.

To finish up here is a random outfit update ;) [I can't remember if I uploaded this one yet, if I did, bear with me. I have had many more fabulous outfits since this one, just haven't had the time to take pictures.]

So there you go. Oh man, and I bought this spectacular purple, vintage dress from a thrift store for 6 bucks, belted it, good. as. new.
I'll have to take some pictures of that as well.

K. I must be going now. I need to sleeeeep. Unfortunately.
Wouldn't it be great if I didn't need sleep?

K. xoxo Lots of love.
Laura :]

I Miss Him...

So much I could cry. Approx. 414 days left.


Look how cute he is!! All the way in Brazil :)



Man. I miss this right here. ^^ I think about him every day and his emails always make me cry. He is the best brother in the world.

xoxo. Boss.

Whew.

Right now I am overwhelmed with a sense of sorrow and gratitude. A strange combination it may be, but life has a funny way of doing that.

Two and half years ago, my uncle died from a brain tumor. He has five boys and a beautiful wife. An amazing person, more than you can imagine.

Why?

I have no idea. Not a clue. And still today, his 39th birthday, I wonder why.

God has a plan. I know it, I believe it. He is watching us.

And I'll never give up on that.

Things seems so hard, I am saddened for my dear aunt and cousins, all the way in South Carolina. I miss them so much and wish each day that I could be with them. I send my love to them.

Sometimes we don't know why things happen; they just do.

Big, huge, x's and o's to them.

I also feel like the picture is very me right now. Guessing and wild and a little crazy. I'm loving it too. This week has some fun things in store.



I'm feeling good. I'm feeling strong. I'm feeling like I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing; or at least I'm trying.

I am so grateful for the things I know. For the people in my life. For my family. And for the fact that we are going to be together forever.

Love, Laur.

Child-like Faith.

Please don't be overwhelmed by the amount of pictures; I know, there are quite a few.

Tonight was a very simple, calming night. I spent most of it running around outside in the fall weather with my cousins and sisters.

These kids CRACK.ME.UP. They are just so funny. It's so refreshingly nice to be able to laugh about things that are simply that; laughable. No dirty comments, no inside jokes you're left out of, no gossip. Just good humor. I love spending time with my family. And I learn so much from these children.

Then I finished the night up hanging with some friends. Friends are great.

I just feel so optimistic and hopeful in this autumn weather.

My littlest sister. Definitely the baby of the family. She is so beautiful. And that sunset!? Sheesh.


Little Dal-doo. [Dallin] He is the cutest.


Alex. It was soooo hard getting good pictures of these kids because they were always wiggling around. I loved it.


Sweet little CJ. [Calli June] Ha. She is adorable. Her shirt is filthy and she still is adorable.


Sisters. Carly and Elly.


Gorgeous sunset. Mmm. I love autumn. It was so nice outside today.


Look at this big brother comforting his little sister.. It makes me miss my big brother..


I told him to look up and that's the first thing he gave me. Feisty little guy.


My sisters were getting angry there were no pictures of me.. Ha. Such sisters.


Thanks self timer ;)


My butt looks huge.. But these little munchkins are adorable.


Unphotoshopped, Unedited, Raw, Natural, LOVE.


Elly took the camera.. Thanks for that angle baby K.


Hahaha. Never give a camera to a 7 year old..


Goofball..

The night ended with these LOVELY ladies. I've missed them so much while they've been away at college. It was nice to have them home for a weekend; to share stories and laugh and talk and analyze and tell awkward stories that would make you pee your pants.

I've just found so much faith in life's simplest and tiniest things lately. It's an uplifting idea.. To just try your best every day.

I feel like sharing my happiness, but I'm not sure how.

Love you guys. Laura.

Day Fourteen. A Picture of You and Your Family.

I love my family a lot. They are special and wonderful people.

Laur.

Day Seven. A Picture of You and Your Closest Friend.

This was hard to choose because I have quite a few close friends. But this is probably the person who knows me best in this whole world. My brother, Andrew. Definitely my closest friend.
I love you bud. Boss it.


P.S. Yeah.. I cheated. I did this a day ahead. Because on MY computer, it's technically Day 7. K? :) Hah.

Day Six. A Picture of You from 2007.

Wtfreak.. Most random thing ever. Haha. Okay. Me and my little sister. 2007. New years eve actually. So almost 2008.

Growing Up.

I finally have something to write a decent blog about.

Growing up.

Cliche? Maybe. Today I sat in my grandparents living room with my parents and my uncle, and my grandmother. I am very used to adult conversations, as I don't have many cousins my age who are usually just hanging around. So I sit, and listen to their conversations, rarely commenting, I feel like my level of growing up is not at the commenting point yet. Today it was all about my crazy great uncle. He is literally, certifiably crazy. So is my mom's cousin, we'll call her 'H'. My poor great grandpa raised her along with my great grandma, until she died. H is grown up now with two kids of her own. But messed.up. It's sad to see. Drugs, nonsense like that. She has honestly never grown up. She isn't responsible for herself or for her family for that matter. I feel bad for her, but she has made so many decisions wrong.

For awhile, she turned her life around. But she went back to her other ways. Her poor children.. They didn't ask to be born into a life where there was heartbreak and sorrow and barely any window of opportunity for them. They didn't ask for that. Why do they have to get it then?

Then there's my great uncle. We'll call him J. I do not know what is going on in his head. Ever. He goes to Nicaragua once in a while and marries someone random.. Seriously. He can't even speak their language! And yet he marries them. What possesses him to do this? Not a clue. His last wife fell down the stairs and died. He was in the States. She was over there. Are you shaking your head at the situation too?
Anyways, she died. So he went over there a few months ago and was this close to getting remarried. But then his future mother in law to be (?!?!) started stealing everything from him and yada yada yada, future marriage TERMINATED. Ha. This whole thing kills me. It's pretty funny when you think about it.

NOW. He is planning on marrying the niece of his late wife. His late wife was MUCH younger than him to begin with. Uhm. Her niece??

ANYWAYS. This isn't the point I'm trying to make with this blog. Their conversation got me thinking, 'Wow. Life just gets weirder and harder as you get older.'

Two years ago from this last Thursday, my very dear and sweet uncle on my dad's side passed away. He died of a cancerous brain tumor. He was one of the funniest, coolest, brightest, happiest people I know. I miss him so much. I got on my family's website and there was a discussion going about that date, July 15th. It's funny how certain dates have certain feeling and emotions that are supposed to go with them.. But when all is said and done, they are exactly like any other day, he still is gone. My Aunt Step (his wife) is one of the funnest people. I love her so much. They had five boys together, all of which I love so much.

Life is hard. It really is. There is SO much more going on in this world that as a kid, you just don't realize. Some parts of me want to get past this world and go someplace that there isn't going to be drama, deceit, or lies. And the other part of me wants to go back to being naive, where all that really mattered was the flat tire on my bike, which flavor of Popsicle I got, and when the next time Pokemon was going to be on.

But then I realized something.
I NEED TO BE HAPPY WHERE I'M AT IN MY LIFE.

People come, people go, people hurt you, people lie to you, people make the most of second chances, people you love get hurt, people walk away.

But people are just people, and sometimes it doesn't work out.

We just gotta remember: Everything happens for a reason.
It's all in the plan.

My love to all. Laura.

Great Day.

Just a great, great day. Yeah... I'm still hanging in there. I'm still hurt/hurting A LOT. But it was just such a good day I have to tell yall about it. :)

Woke up.
Scriptures.
Went back to sleep.
Woke up again.
Did my chores.
Went to Ali's house.
Talked and talked and talked. About boys, life, auras. I want an aura reader to read me.
Jammed to music in her bathroom.
Did my makeup.
Went to Costco for samples and more goodies.
Walmart run for Dr Pepper.
Watched 'The Hills'. Lol. Funny show.
Left Ali's house.
Home.
Watched a new 'Hannah Montana' episode with my sister. HAH.
Went to Elise's.
Did my hair.
Drove to North Salt Lake.
COOLEST FREAKING PHOTO SHOOT I'VE EVER DONE. She is amazing. Just saying. In an awesome abandoned house. Just so cool. Did a dance photo shoot too. I'll post some asap.
Went to Elise's house.
Looked at pictures.
She ate pizza.
Went home.
'Talked' with my parents. Lol. I guessed what they were going to say, I set them straight. Everything ended well.
Ate some fish with my dad, littlest sis, and Elise.
Went to Subzero. Got rice milk ice cream. Dr Pepper flavored. It was NASTY. Never again. Especially not for four dollars.
Sat and ate and talked outside. Just me and Elise still. Laughed. CRAZYness. Really. We are so crazy together.
Went into smoochies to... do... something.. Lol.
Drove to Sam's house screaming 'WOOT TO LIFE' out the window.
Played PIG and basketball at Sam's with Sloan and Erik and Elise, and of course, Sam.
Real fun.
Drove home.
Saw a dead cat.
Home.
Blogging.
Tada. Here I am.

It was just such a FUN FILLED SUMMER day. Ah. I loved it.
Annnnnnd. I don't have to work tomorrow again!! Three days off in a row? Best thing that has happened in a long time. Long, long time.

Yesterday, I said goodbye to a dear, very close friend to me. But I can't be hooked on that addiction anymore. It was bringing me NOTHING but unhappiness. Truly. I know if someone loves you, they'll let you go. It's hard... But everything happens for a reason. I'm sure there are better things in store. Like one of my FAVORITE quotes from Marilyn Monroe:

"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go. Things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right. You believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."

SO TRUE. Right? I will keep this quote in my heart the next couple months.

Anyways. What a fabulous day. My new word of the day: PREMIUM. Hahahaha. I love you Leash.

I needed today. Exciting things coming up. Rockies vs. Reds tomorrow. Watching it with my dad.. His team, and my team. SO SCARED. Ah. I love my dad.
Then Saturday going for a Dr. Pepper run with my wondrous auntie. :)
The things in store are pretty darn exciting.

All my love, Laur.

P.S. I'm worried about myself. I have zero appetite today. I ate 20 pringles and half a piece of fish.. Uh dear.

worst. week. ever.

dont make me capitalize things. k? not in the mood.
wow. worked 30 hours this week. my legs kill, i smell like subway. ugh.

lost one of my best friends. lost potential of something i really wanted badly. something so bad i could practically reach out and grab it. i KNEW she was going to have an ulterior motive. wahla. you are super. i miss people being who i thought they were. lame. i hate when the one person you thought would be there forever and ever, isn't.

the more i grow up, the more i realize that even though family are the people who can make me go crazy, they're the people who love me the most. we're forever. so eat it, temporary people.

idk what to do. i've forgiven. but second chances? don't really believe in them anymore.. hmmm. i never know when second chances applicable!

when is ANYTHING applicable??? i wish there was a handbook for when to say and do the right things.. guess that'd be prayer. huh.

gunnight. me and my dr pepper are going to watch tv.

love laura

Dishes at midnight

My family can drive me INSANE sometimes. A lot of the time. Especially without my brother here to calm me down.
But when all is said and done, I love them. So much.
I ate way too much watermelon today. --Now I gotta pee.
The Rockies lost their game today; I hate you Giants.
I went swimming and did a flip off the high dive. H yeah.
I went and saw 'Clash of the Titans'. I saw the first 20 minutes and fell asleep for the rest. It was a good nap.
So much good food today.
Summer is going full blast.
Letter from Logan today!!! Much needed.

Those are a few of the things that went through my life on July 3rd.

All my love.

Siiiiiiiiiigh.

The red is gone. It upsets me greatly. The blonde is gone too. :( One of the streaks of hair is still a little red, but not enough to tell. I'm sad to say I look almost, well, average. Ugh. Big, long discussion with my parents tonight. Basically the only reason I dyed it back is for my two little sisters and my little cousins. I want them to know following the prophet is important.

BAH!!!! THE STUBBORN SIDE OF ME IS WAITING TO BURST OUT!!!!!

Sorry, anyways. Sigh. My main reason for wanting to keep it: I want people to know it's what is on the INSIDE that counts. It doesn't matter what is on my head. It's WHO I am and the decisions I make. I am so sick of JUDGMENTAL people. One thing I don't like about living in Utah. Hate actually. People see a streak of red in my hair and they think 'Oh, she's going off the deep end.' Ridiculous. I'm sure that's what my parents feared too. I want people to know I can have a strong testimony and look different too. It's terrible that people think differently of others because of how they look. I don't want people to think I'm like that. If they see the streak of red in my hair, and SEE the way I act, keeping the commandments, going to church.... They'll know that I know it's true.

So sick of the judgments people make on other people. I want them to know I'm not like that.. But now all my individuality is taken away from me.

Did I explain every BIT of this to my parents?
Yes.
Did they listen?
They heard what they wanted to hear.

I saw '500 days of Summer' for the first time tonight. It was good. If you haven't seen it, go see it. It was different.

Siiiiiiigh. Grrrrr. Anger.

Laur.

AAAAAAAAHAHAHA. Sorry, I'm a spaz.

Do you ever just get the giggles inside of you? And you feel like you are going to burst? For no good reason!? That is how I feel right now. Haha, I feel like I need to go do a crazy dance and run a mile.. Too much energy inside, just waiting to burst out.

I have the weekend off work. And I'm thrilled. Fourth of July weekend. Should be interesting. :) I love fireworks. Ah. These festivities make me miss Logan. We did all of this stuff together last year! And he is miles and miles away. Oh well, I'll just spend it with good friends. Mmm. I love July.

My sisters have been gone for the past two days. Not going to lie. It's been pretty nice and quiet around here. I feel like an only child. My brother in Brazil, the girls in Spanish Fork. Still, I'm ready for us all to be back together again.

Watched 'The Notebook' last night. Still in love with that movie as much as I was the first time I saw it. I don't even remember the first time I saw it. Hah.

The streaks in my hair have to be gone by Sunday.... :( Hmm. So what if I don't?!?!
We'll see I guess..

Have you ever just become really tired of your name? I hate being called: Laura, Laur, Lu, Lem, anything. Right now I am sick of being Laura. I would like to be someone else. Can people start calling me Grace or something? I mean, I like myself. The title is bugging though.

I want to go to New York. So badly.

All my love, Me.

I'm not dyeing it back. I'm just not.

Me: 'I think it matters more who I am inside than what is on my head.'
Parent: 'In the "Strength for Youth" it says that how you dress portrays who you are.'
Me: 'Exactly. This is who I am.'

Bah. It isn't being dyed back.

#2 on my bucket list: Complete.

Three red streaks in my hair. I mean RED. Firetruck. Apple. Whatever you wanna call it. It's red and I love it.

My mom said: 'It doesn't look good." Thanks mom..
My dad said: 'You're killin me girl." I know.. Sorry.

I love it :) And it's just hair. It'll grow in time.

Happiness is a journey, not a destination. So I am making my own happiness.

Laur :)

Sweet Koda Bear

Hey bud. I love you. You are so so so strong. I pray for you in every prayer. Your bracelet is on my wrist. You keep me going. You can do it, and you will do it. I am praying for you too Ali. The Lord knows you guys, and He hears you guys. He's with you.

My heart is out there for yall every day.

More hugs and kisses than imaginable.

Laura Lu.

Cancer. And Life.

So I watched 'My Sister's Keeper' for the first time tonight... It kinda left me feeling like I want to throw up. And feeling hopeless. I think in the end it was meant to be inspirational... But it just left me wanting to cry. Although it is very rare that tears leave my eyes, unless I am caught off guard. So instead, I feel the turning of my stomach.

As I sit her and stare at the random assortment of things on my computer desk [my mother's ipod, a red pen, a pencil, a crumpled up napkin, some cds], and I rest my hands on the keyboard, waiting for the words to come flowing out of them, ever so often hitting the backspace button... I think..

I think that maybe my life should be handed over to someone who is more deserving of it. People die from cancer every day. It took my uncle, it took my grandma, it took Brian, it took so many people.. It fought my aunt, and it's fighting my little Koda. It is never going to stop fighting. And each of them did it/are doing it with a smile on their face.

I'm not worthy of the life I live. I'm not trying hard enough. I complain, I spend too much money, I lose my temper too often, I give into my own pleasures way too much. --Most people would take this, and say "From now on, I'll live like I'm dying. I'm going to do my best."
.... What if this is my best? And what if I STILL don't feel good enough.

Cancer sucks.
My thoughts, Laura.