When was the last time..

i was this happy?

i don't really remember to be honest. :)

i find myself smiling constantly, i feel like i am where i'm supposed to be in my life and i'm doing what i need to be doing, and i'm who i am supposed to be with when i'm supposed to be with them.

it's scary because when i feel this happy, i feel like it's going to be pulled away from me.. i just want to hold on so tight.

but happiness is a choice. and i am choosing to be happy. now.

i am pretty positive i go to sleep with a smile on my face daily. (nightly?)
it's the best feeling in the world.

p.s. i'm learning bmx tricks.. kind of. okay, i still suck, but trying new things is so exhilarating. i love bmx, it's amazing.

flickr

flickr

flickr

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p.s. being happy makes me not focus on words.. i hope this made sense. :]

I know, I know,

it's been a while, and for that, I apologize.
you guys.
brace yourselves.

i am inexplicably happy.

and i don't think this is just a fluke. [i have happy flukes quite often, where i convince myself i'm happy and i end up hating myself.]
pretty positive i am happy.

and i'm not exactly sure why.
i've made new friends that i love.
my testimony has grown.
i've stopped judging people completely; i am so open to people now.
i've let go of grudges and it feels good.

this week i saw a shooting star, as i was driving home; i was talking to my friend about it and she asked "what'd you wish for?"

i thought for a second with a little bit of panic and realized i hadn't even thought of wishing for something. what the crap. ha.

but then i realized.

i didn't wish for anything; i feel like i have everything.

truly. i do.
and it's an amazing feeling; being happy with what you have.

yes; college crap, and work, and school, and nonsense still stresses me out completely; yes, i still have grey days, who doesn't?

but i've made my choice; i'm happy.
and for the first time in a really long time, i feel like i'm where i'm supposed to be at in my life.
LIBERATING, is really the only word i can come up with right now.

this photo here is how i've been living my life lately:
i've decided i am going to try as many new experiences as possible.
i climbed a pavilion roof the other day. that was exciting.
i am also going car surfing soon.





two confessions.
one) i fall hard, and i fall fast. but this time, i'm taking it slow. and i love it. it's new for me to not rush things. it's hard for sure, really hard, but i'm happy where i'm at.

two) i'm dying to get away from home. i can't stand it anymore. thank heavens for this week to come.. i need to move out.. don't get me wrong, i love my family. but..

so that's about it. life is really good. i think about school and i'm like --man, i hate my life-- but in all reality, i don't think at this point in time i am capable of hating my life; because i'm being who i am.
ultra cheeeese.
hope you enjoy my cheesiness as much as i do. (:

xoxo
Laura

oh! FAVORITE SONG

In a perfect world he'd say:

"What are you up to this weekend?"

I'd say ever so casually: "Just workin on Friday."

He would try to reply just as casually back: "How about Saturday, you have any plans?

Me: "Nope." -with a shrug of my shoulders.

Pause.

Him: "How about dinner?"

"Sounds great." I'd say with a smile.


That's all.


I love this little picture above. Really and truly, I love it. I need to read it daily, especially at this point of transitioning in my life.

I have been crazy stressed lately and my dad shared some advice with me:
No on is making you stressed, you are choosing to be stressed.
So true. I've been stupid. So I'm just not going to be stressed anymore, I'm taking everything a day at a time.

I've been 'cleaning house' so to speak.

I've been getting to sleep before midnight.
Going home for lunch instead of spending money; that is actually really satisfying.
I completely shut out some people in my life that were only doing me harm; deleted old emails, ripped up old notes, blocked their websites. i'm just done; and it's... liberating. freeing.
i got a blessing from my dad.
i'm been talking about my stress instead of bottling it up.
i've stopped worrying about what i'm eating.

i'm not sure if anyone even cares about all this nonsense, but i just feel so at peace.
and i'm so grateful for this feeling.

also. suu and weber dance auditions are on the same day...
so i've been praying.
and i'm going to weber.

so there is some stress taken care of.
tomorrow is the last day of this semester.
so there is more stress taken care of.

i can do this. :]
xoo. -Laura.

Now, now.

I'm not sure why I'm awake right now. I really have no clue. It may be because I was watching the end of the fourth season of 'What I Like About You'.... Which was shot in 06'.

I'm delusional. I shouldn't be awake at this hour.
There's just so much on my mind and so much I want to say and for some reason I can't help but feel.. heartbroken, I guess.

And I want that feeling of security and hope back; like anything is possible.

xo. Laur.

Today I read this. And then I cried.

“All your life you are told things you can’t do. All your life they will say you’re not good enough, or strong enough, or talented enough. They will say you’re the wrong height, or the wrong weight or the wrong type to play this or achieve that. They will tell you no, a thousand times no. Until all the no’s become meaningless. All your life they will tell you no, quite firmly and very quickly.

And you will tell them yes."

It's about time I started telling people yes, no matter what.
If you read my last post, you'll know about where I stand with myself right now.
And I'm just not happy. Not yet anyways.

But that's going to change.

xox- Laura.

what i am doing, i have no idea.

for the most part, i try and put my upbeat spirit into this blog, but at the present time, i just don't have it in me.

i went and saw Secretariat last night, and i adored it. it inspired me, with a new air about it.
it felt like the horse version of remember the titans.
i wasn't exactly excited to see it because i thought it was just 'another horse movie'.
but it was different and moving.

the main actress (diane lane?) said something along the lines of:
"This is about seeing life ahead of you, and you run at it."
at that moment, i mouthed to myself, in the theater of 60 or so strangers, those exact words.
throughout the movie, i repeated and pondered her words.

so my question now is,
why aren't i running towards the life i want?
am i scared? yeah.
am i lazy? h yeah.
do i know what i want? not really..
i may be doing a little jog, but i'm not running, not truly.
and that disappoints me.

not to say the movie wasn't motivation, indeed it was,
but instead of using the motivation it could have given me,
i just got stuck.

and now i'm left to sit it out. on this worn out seat with worn out shoes and a worn out heart.
everything in me is simply worn out, as of late.
i've been trying to get 'down time' everyday. no matter what.
time to just sit and be.
but when you go to school 7am-3 and work 3-11pm, it doesn't happen too often.
not often enough at least.

so i need to get my spirit back up.
i'm not sure how.
i need a lift.
i'm doing what i'm supposed to, aren't i?

what i want might not be clear, but it certainly isn't this.
enough. enough of this.
change is going to happen.
and i'm going to do it.

just wait and see..
..i'll be waiting to see too.

xo -Laur.

oh. and ps.
i saw knight and day -of course, cameron diaz is my favorite actress- and i loved it. i was supposed to see it when it came out, but it didn't happen so i never got around to it.
anyways, i love it. good gracious, it made me laugh out loud. i believe it's a must see.

Firsts of 2011

First purchase of the new year: Pink glasses, from my favorite vintage store: Decades. $9.00
Loooove em.

First outfit of the season. My hair looked better in person, believe me.

It's gonna be a good year.
xoxo
Laur.