A Ridiculous Amount

Of time.
It's been a ridiculous amount of time since I last posted, and I figure I should do something about it.
So here goes nothing.

You have to understand I have more than one best friend. I have ... five. Ish. And a lot of these updates are about my best friends; so bear with.

A best friend of mine Devyn: today was his birthday. Happy birthday bu. :) I love that kid and we are so very similar.
If I were a guy, it'd be him. Ha, strange, but true.

Another best friend of mine, Ali, is home for the summer, unexpectedly.
---She just showed up at my work, and we stared at each other, and I asked what she was doing. She told me she came home for the summer. We ran to each other and hugged and cried. Tender.
We talked about everything today.
There is just something different about talking to her than anyone else.

I'm graduating high school in a week. This is insane. What am I doing? Who am I?
I'm so excited. (:
Excited isn't even the right world.
ESTATIC.

My sleeping schedule has been so yicky lately. Earlier this week-- I slept for 21 hours straight.
There may be something wrong with me.

I don't have much else to say.
Oh, sent out my graduation announcements today.
Weird.
They looked like this:



Exciting I guess.

On a sadder note,
the screen on my ipod cracked. Still works though.
My phone just STOPPED working... need to send it in and see if my warranty covers it...
The check engine light in my car came on.

All this nonsense started to fall apart within 2 days.
Oh, and today I paid 45 dollars in parking fines.
THAT's awesome...

I've felt put together lately.
Since when am I composed?
I feel like I need to run wild.
I'm not used to being the grown up one.
I don't think I like it.

Been listening to this song nonstop:
If It Means A Lot To You -A Day To Remember
LOOOOOOOOVE.

Life is pretty good for the most part.
There are huge downs and huge ups.
It's a rolllercoooooassssterrr!

All my love,

sure am learning it.

I wish I was just 'fine' all the time.
Because when you're happy it's just such a long ways down to sadness,
but at least when I fall from being fine to being bad it isn't that big of a drop.

Does that make sense?

Nah, probably not.

It's one in the morning and I'm sitting here eating salt and vinegar chips.
I want more than anything to be able to cry right now.
But I can't cry, as much as I want to, as much as I would like to force myself to,
I can't.
Isn't that just STUPID?

Laura: Hey, body, it's yourself again. Uhm, could you just give up a few tears? Ya know? Release some kind of emotion?
Body: Nah, thanks, I'm just going to be as stubborn as possible and bottle it up forever and ever until you're sixty when it's all going to come flooding out once you hit menopause.

Hahahaha. I have no idea where that little conversation came from.
It was pretty humourous to me though.

I haven't talked things out with myself via blog for quite awhile now. It feels nice.

Laur: What are you doing?
I have no idea.
Hah, I'm not sad or depressed.
There's no reason for that.
Nor am I upset.

I am quitely pounding my fists inside.
That may be a strange thing to say and it may not make sense, but it portrays how I'm feeling perfectly.

Still trying to figure out college stuff. Thought I had it all figured out... Nope.
SUU is back in to the possibilities.
Shoot.

Dance concert is over.
AP tests are over.
Now time to focus on making money.
College=money.
Bummmmmmer.

I just want to have a good time.
Why can't my heart or my head let me do that?

Because you're Laura.

You're the girl that puts up walls and then instead of slowly letting people get through them,
you crush every wall and let people storm the city.
That, or Option B: you never take the walls down.

You're the girl that lets herself stay up till three am, just because you hate to lay down in bed with all those thoughts. You stay up till you can hardly stand to keep your eyes open any longer.

You laugh loudly, and you say too many sarcastic remarks; that's why people are scared of you, you know that right?
People think you're stuck up. Little do they know, you're just guarded.

You're just fine darling, don't worry about it.
At least that's what I'll keep telling myself.

love. la.

Today Is My Day.

Nope, I am not a mother.
Today is my birthday.
And I'm eighteen years old.
I have the best family and friends I could ask for.

xo :)

p.s. yeah, that's me on a 110 ft cliff.
life rocks.

When all else fails.. Blog it out.

a.;ejklrnh;wlai34jr;lawjr;lasej;lfjaselkfjl;asejf;lksdjavrbwnmph5g8wvtuelicdu;feigrjy5wjgquk;fgt7gjursdmh;ngwn;efo4mhe;liwu;
okay. sorry, i'm done with that now.

do you ever have so much pent up anger and frustration and excitement and annoyance and anxiety inside of you that you just want to explode?

Yeah. I'm feeling that.
I pant like a dog; short little breaths, releasing everything I'm feeling.
Or I type, like so. (above)

There is so much inside of me right now.
I can hardly explain.
And that's why I'm blogging.
I've gotta let it all out.

To this picture below: I say YES.


AP tests need to end so then all I have to truly focus on is the drama that people create.
And that I get mixed up in...
Everyone loooves their drama.
That's fine. That's life.

I just wanna run; in my case, jogging.
I want to go shopping and buy cute, ridiculous things, that people are outraged by.
--Going shopping soon! Once I have a free day. :)
I want to eat fruit every single morning.
Sometimes, I just want to chuck my phone across the room and stop texting people. --Sometimes I do.
I want to sleep in my car.
It's serene in there.
I just want to be.
Is that too much to ask?

I love who I am, but sometimes I wish I could just start over.Ya know? Different town, different people, clean slate.
I would if I could.

I love every person in my life..
They all just take turns frustrating me.

But what would I do without them?
:]