Unwritten

I want to write a book.
I feel the beginning of the book inside of me. and then poof. no more.
What does one write about? Sure I can write poems.. but they're only a page or so.
Everytime I've ever tried to write a book, it's turned into some cliche story about a murder, or some girl in junior high who has a crush on a boy.
Really people?
I want to write about something deep. A book.
I want to write a book.

I want to be a photographer.
I want to capture those thoughts and those words on the tip of my tongue.
Alas, not an amazing camera. I decided that 30% of good photography is a good camera, and 30% is photoshop.. That leaves 40% talent.
If I had the money, I'd be a photographer.
I have the vision.

I want to be a painter.
My best friend Elise is an amazing artist. We have drawing together.
Ooo. She makes me angry. I love her and all, but she is so amazing.
Such a good artist. I can never draw like her. I wish I could just bust stuff out.
Like Kevin. Kevin is ridiculous. He just takes stuff from inside him and puts it out there.
Wt?? Where did that come from? I wish that was me.

Dance is my main art.
But over the past two months, I've watched myself dance on video.
Not so good.. I mean, I'm not bad. But the form isn't there.
It's definitely a disadvantage of not taking ballet. But ballet captures me, and holds me there. I need to flow freely. -Speaking of which, we start ballet in class tomorrow. Gotta remember to put my ballet slippers in my bad.. Anywho.
I don't have the technique other dancers do. And I don't know how to get it.
I want it bad. But I'll never be the best.

My life is unwritten.
Will I ever be meant to be more than just whatever it is that I am?
I know who I am.
But what if I want more. Deeper.
Deep deep deeper deeper.
Where does the deepness come from?? Me and Elise sometimes call it bs. Ha. Instead of honors english, we call it bs english.. Mostly because we have to make up stuff so much. ---
But I really do want to portray the deep.

Drawing.
Painting.
Dancing.
Pictures.
Poems.
I love art.

I was just messing around in art class last week, messing around with water colors. When a kid, a very know-it-all kid, in my class comes up behind me and says
"Just so you know, next time you do watercolors, start by getting it all wet first."
.... I cannot even explain my face to you.
WHO ASKED YOU!??! I did not say this, for I kept my composure. But honestly. Don't tell me how to correctly take my feelings and put them on paper.
Bah to him.

Yeah. So. Unwritten.
I feel unwritten.