Despite all the cheeriness that has been going on around me lately, much of my self inflicted cheeriness included,

I'm depressed.

And I can't figure out why I shouldn't be able to be happy.

I have so much to be grateful for. So much.

I should be sleeping right now. Or doing something worthwhile. I'm not sure if I just had the urge to write, or if I'm trying to escape the insanity of being an insomniac. Either way, I'm sure I'll regret it once morning comes and my bed beckons me more loudly than usual.

I'm tired, but I can't sleep.
I have so much to do, but I just don't want to.

I don't want to grow up, nor do I want to digress.
That just leaves me with the present, which I'm not exactly thrilled with either.

I think one of my shlumps is coming back. I've been battling these 'shlumps' for awhile now, and I thought I had myself convinced that it was all in my head. That I can choose happiness..

But where's the happiness switch? It got lost in the dark..

P.S. Did I tell yall I'm a vegetarian now? I still eat some chicken, I need the protein for dance, but other than that, I'm done with beef and pork.

Shelter Me Oh Genius World

I'm trying desperately, it's just so hard to persevere
Stupid girl-- Shoulda know. I shoulda known.
Sometimes what's best is so unclear.
Maybe I was naive.
Maybe. Someday we'll figure all this out.
It's like wishing for rain as I stand in the desert.
Don't seek what you don't need from me.
I'm gonna trade my old shoes for new feet; I grab a new seat..
How bout a round of applause? Standing ovation?
Now it's time to go. Curtain's finally closing.
It's a silly time to learn to swim on your way down.
How can I pretend that I don't see?
I'm just a pawn in your game, and this is checkmate.

Thank you to Rob Thomas, Cartel, Jessie Funk, Ryan Pope, Taylor Swift, Rhianna, Tegan & Sara, Making April, and Evanescence. For helping me out with this post.

Today is a rainy, rainy day. Just like the storm inside of me... I need to choose happiness. But today just isn't a happy day.. I hear the thunder and the lightning and all I can do is agree with the sky. xox. Laur.

Realization.

The only bad thing about being sure of yourself and outgoing:

People forget you have feelings too.

I'm always expected to brush it off and laugh..

Maybe I don't want to anymore.

My #1

Bucket List. This is my number one. To see this. Or something like it. It's beautiful, isn't it?