A Ridiculous Amount

Of time.
It's been a ridiculous amount of time since I last posted, and I figure I should do something about it.
So here goes nothing.

You have to understand I have more than one best friend. I have ... five. Ish. And a lot of these updates are about my best friends; so bear with.

A best friend of mine Devyn: today was his birthday. Happy birthday bu. :) I love that kid and we are so very similar.
If I were a guy, it'd be him. Ha, strange, but true.

Another best friend of mine, Ali, is home for the summer, unexpectedly.
---She just showed up at my work, and we stared at each other, and I asked what she was doing. She told me she came home for the summer. We ran to each other and hugged and cried. Tender.
We talked about everything today.
There is just something different about talking to her than anyone else.

I'm graduating high school in a week. This is insane. What am I doing? Who am I?
I'm so excited. (:
Excited isn't even the right world.
ESTATIC.

My sleeping schedule has been so yicky lately. Earlier this week-- I slept for 21 hours straight.
There may be something wrong with me.

I don't have much else to say.
Oh, sent out my graduation announcements today.
Weird.
They looked like this:



Exciting I guess.

On a sadder note,
the screen on my ipod cracked. Still works though.
My phone just STOPPED working... need to send it in and see if my warranty covers it...
The check engine light in my car came on.

All this nonsense started to fall apart within 2 days.
Oh, and today I paid 45 dollars in parking fines.
THAT's awesome...

I've felt put together lately.
Since when am I composed?
I feel like I need to run wild.
I'm not used to being the grown up one.
I don't think I like it.

Been listening to this song nonstop:
If It Means A Lot To You -A Day To Remember
LOOOOOOOOVE.

Life is pretty good for the most part.
There are huge downs and huge ups.
It's a rolllercoooooassssterrr!

All my love,

I wish I was just 'fine' all the time.
Because when you're happy it's just such a long ways down to sadness,
but at least when I fall from being fine to being bad it isn't that big of a drop.

Does that make sense?

Nah, probably not.

It's one in the morning and I'm sitting here eating salt and vinegar chips.
I want more than anything to be able to cry right now.
But I can't cry, as much as I want to, as much as I would like to force myself to,
I can't.
Isn't that just STUPID?

Laura: Hey, body, it's yourself again. Uhm, could you just give up a few tears? Ya know? Release some kind of emotion?
Body: Nah, thanks, I'm just going to be as stubborn as possible and bottle it up forever and ever until you're sixty when it's all going to come flooding out once you hit menopause.

Hahahaha. I have no idea where that little conversation came from.
It was pretty humourous to me though.

I haven't talked things out with myself via blog for quite awhile now. It feels nice.

Laur: What are you doing?
I have no idea.
Hah, I'm not sad or depressed.
There's no reason for that.
Nor am I upset.

I am quitely pounding my fists inside.
That may be a strange thing to say and it may not make sense, but it portrays how I'm feeling perfectly.

Still trying to figure out college stuff. Thought I had it all figured out... Nope.
SUU is back in to the possibilities.
Shoot.

Dance concert is over.
AP tests are over.
Now time to focus on making money.
College=money.
Bummmmmmer.

I just want to have a good time.
Why can't my heart or my head let me do that?

Because you're Laura.

You're the girl that puts up walls and then instead of slowly letting people get through them,
you crush every wall and let people storm the city.
That, or Option B: you never take the walls down.

You're the girl that lets herself stay up till three am, just because you hate to lay down in bed with all those thoughts. You stay up till you can hardly stand to keep your eyes open any longer.

You laugh loudly, and you say too many sarcastic remarks; that's why people are scared of you, you know that right?
People think you're stuck up. Little do they know, you're just guarded.

You're just fine darling, don't worry about it.
At least that's what I'll keep telling myself.

love. la.

Ready for an adventure...

Life is busy. Dance rehearsals all this week.
Dance concert, Friday and Saturday. Come if you can! It's at Viewmont. :)
AP tests are next week, along with my birthday and prom.
All I can think of that I want for my birthday is shoes.. And I don't need more shoes.
Should I go with gray vans or red toms?
Give me your opinion please.

I'm missing my brother a lot.
I miss hanging out with him and running random errands.

I got pulled over for the first time yesterday.
It was scary.
Didn't even get a warning though, so that was nice.
Just need to remember to stop for 3 seconds at those stop signs. Hah.

Been happier lately. For no reason at all.
It might be because I haven't been at work in a while..
I love most of the people I work with.. If I worked with Linds every night it'd be easier to be happier.
It's just a stressful job.
But I need the money..
After these busy two weeks I'll be back to working.
Blehhh.

This summer Elise and I are going to Cali for our senior trip.
So excited.
Beach every day.
Photoshoots.
Getting tan.
SUN.
Shopping.
Excitement beyond belief.
Booked the hotel today!
Talked about flights..
It's just downright, overwhelmingly, exciting.
I can't think about it too much because then I just go into slacker mode and want to give up on school altogether.
Must remain strong.

I love my friends.
I honestly don't have a lot of close friends that I feel like I can turn to.
But those few people who I trust and love: thank you.
You mean the world to me.

Tomorrow is a new day and the beginning of a new week.

Goals:
Smile. Every day.
Be nice and try and talk to people in my dance class.. I don't fit in with the most of them, but I'll be spending the entire week with them so I might as well try.
Eat a lot healthier. I've been eating junk lately.
Save money.
Wear my retainer every night.
Try something new every day.
Pray every night.

Just be happy. :)

This looks like a depressing picture of me; it's not. Just serious.


xoxo Laura.

Too Much Clothes.

That is the title of my post, because today I came to the realization that I had to do my laundry. Had to. I don't even know if my washer/dryer can handle all my laundry. I just have way too much clothes and I'm not willing to give any of it up. I already gave away four bags this summer. It's getting out of hand. Did I already blog about this? Hm. I don't remember, but I am again if I already did.

Here is the problem; My closet= TINY. So. Small.
Does anyone have any suggestions? Please give ideas. I am contemplating turning my bookcase into a place to fold pants and put belts/scarves/jewelry/shoes etc?? I just don't know. It is getting out of control and all my beautiful clothes are ending up on the floor. No good. [Ew, I sound like a priss.]
And the biggest problem is... I just keep buying more.
I am a thrift store addict, someone needs to intervene.

Enough about clothes, there is more to life than clothes.

School. Uhm. I don't really want to talk about it.. I am dropping math. If you don't like that, you can suck it. Also, AP English is kind of kicking my trash; not because it's hard, just because the senioritis is spreading like a virus. Come Christmas Break I will be back on track. I just need a nice little vacation.

Dance. Holy dance. I have been dancing so much lately and my body is just exhausted. Besides the two beginning classes that I help teach every other day, I also have my advanced class on the other days, and on top of that I've been having extra rehearsals after school because we are performing in a Christmas assembly on Friday. I am pretty dang excited, but just so exhausted, mentally and physically. P.S. Remind me to post a photo of our dance costumes. They are insanity. Literally. Our dance piece is all about the imagination, and let's just say.. Those costumes are friggin' imaginative.

This week I haven't been able to stop playing this song. I'm in love with Florence and The Machine. Yuuum.

My life consists of Jazz 32 oz. cups with Dr. Pepper. Oh Subway. Thanks for providing me a job, and free sandwiches and drinks. Oh and 'broken' cookies. My job is pretty cool.

I think I've covered about everything I felt like covering. Also, I would like it to rain as soon as humanly possible so I can check this off of my list of things to do:

xoxo -Laur.

Oh. And P.S. I'm not quite sure why, but this site is my favo.

the 26th day of October

Okay. Here goes my worthwhile attempt at a somewhat decent post. It's been a while, I know.

Today, I wore the 50s long, white socks with the red keds and the rolled up skinnies. [The skinny jeans aren't in the picture because I changed for dance.] LOVED IT.

Each morning I wake up and say "What era am I gonna be today?"
Fashion: Love. Simple as that.


Dance. Mmm. Been dancing A LOT. Getting pretty dang good. At least I feel the improvement.

It. Is. Autumn.
Everywhere I go I yell "IT'S AUTMUN." I did twice today in the Walmart parking lot. Pumkins and orange leafed trees. That results in me screaming.
Also...
It sleeted today, I wouldn't call it snow quite yet, but it's certainly getting there.
How unfortunate.

Today is my sweet little sister's birthday. She is turning 8.
8-year-olds are the bomb. Here is a picture of her and I [along with our other sister Carly on the left, Elly is on the right.] The little goofball has a blue mouth from her ring pop. I bought her polka dotted rain boots!



Mmk. What else to update on? OH. I have a crush. On a boy. He's a cutie. Haha. That is all that you will be able to pry out of me. But it's just a crush, nothing more.

Logan. My wonderful redheaded missionary. We have been writing 4 page letters every week for a while now (yes, front and back). He is great. I LOVE getting letters. Look at this ADORABLE picture of him. Mmm.


The Harvest Dance was pretty dang fun. I was Barbie and Danny boy was Ken. We were STYLIN. Cutest couple there for sure ;)
Also went with Elise and her date.

Here's us girls decked out in Barbie attire. --Eyelashes.. Whew mama.


So yeah. Then I've just had school and work and shopping and sleeping and eating. Ha. I haven't done much of the sleeping or shopping. But a tad. Oo. And I got this GREAT vintage hat at Forever21. It's black and totally Audrey Hepburn. Next time I wear it, pictures will be posted.

That is life. It's hectic and crazy, but for the most part, I'm really enjoying it.
xoxoo- Laur.

Random Tidbits I Want To Share

All the time, I think: "Hey, I should post this on my blog."
And then I think to myself: "No one cares about any of that."
So.
Here's the deal.

I am about to post some of the most objectless [that is a word, right?] thoughts I've had in the last little while.
If you agree with any of them, let me know I'm not alone!
And if this post bores you, I apologize for that.

As I hear gushy, lovey dovey, way-too-personal, conversations amongst couples, I pair it with the sound of throwing up over and over again in my head. I really, honestly, do.
I really, really, really, hate my job.
I said I quit Dr. Pepper. I lied.
Today I full on let out my scream. It's the best meditation for when you're frustrated.
I adore people with lisps, young or old, I adore it.
Every now and then I want to let our pet rabbit run free. Forever. Her name is Beth. Short for Macbeth.
I hate ex boyfriends. Scratch that. I hate the one ex boyfriend I have. Not just because he's an ex. I'm totally over that fact. I hate how he is a jerk to everyone. Ultimate D bag.

Well there you have it, the colors of the rainbow.
Sorry for this super unaimed post.
Here is some super random pictures to go along with.

I adore the fair. Allergies.. Not so much.

We look like such posers.

I hope yall have a lovely week. Stay busy. xox Laurlabelle.

A Challenge For YOU.

I just thought I'd stop by and say hello to my blog.

"Hello Blog."

Have a cheery day my dear friends.
I hope these random, oh so random, photos make your day.
Or possibly change your life.

Probably not... But you can always hope, right?

Yeah. I love photography. And life. And work... OH wait. Not really.
But I gotta work today, and work is work.
And money is money.
And I am LUCKY to have a job...
Why do I have to be so lucky?

My tongue sticks out to you who don't have to work for anything.
Whether your parents give it to you, or it's just handed to you.
Karma BITES.
So I can't wait till you get out into the real world and have to do something besides sit on your butts.

CHALLENGE OF THE DAY/WEEK/MONTH:
Depending on how often you go out to eat

The next person who helps you in a fast food restaurant, or drive thru, or food place,
BE KIND. Try and make their day. Smile, say please, say thank you, be kind!!
Because people are people too.

Off to life I go. Where it'll take me? I dunno!
xxxoo
Laur Em

'Who am I?' I ask myself... 'Exactly who you're supposed to be.' I reply.

Do you ever

have those days where everything seems hopeless?
When it seems like nothing is ever going to work out for you
and you're never going to mean something to anyone
and every fiber of the world is just out to get you?

Like it wouldn't make a difference if you were here or not?

Yeah.
That's today..

First Day of School.

I shall post pictures of my-first-day-outfit later (:

Right now I'm in AP Research (just like a homework lab). Yeah, super easy. I don't even have anything to do.
Imma likin it.

I don't have too many classes with friends, but that's alright. I make friends easily (:
I just wrote my brother in Brazil. He is so awesome. <3

Not much to say.. I am bored out of my mind and have nothing to do.
It's weird, I don't feel like I should be a senior. When I was little I would look at seniors and think 'Wow. They are seniors in high school. They are so old.'
Guess what... I'm not that old. Bummer.
I'm still just a kid.

Growing up is pretty weird..

Ah. Best song just came on my ipod. What, you ask?
'Where Does the Good Go -Tegan and Sara'
Go Youtube it. It's fabulous. Or buy it off of Itunes. Tegan and Sara are definitely worth it. So is their song [probably my favorite of theirs] called 'Like H, Like O.'
They are kinda weird and definitely different, but be open minded and give em a try!

So. School. Uhm. I probably will have a lot better entries than this in the future. Promise you. It's 10 am and this is Laur. Signing out.
Love to you all.
Have a fabulous Monday. Or don't. But I would choose to if I were you!

LauraE

Mmm.

Pretty obsessed with dresses right now. That's all.


Laur.

Tears.

I have 5 best friends.
And tonight I said goodbye to the third one of them. Andrew and Logan are on missions.
And now Ali is off to Indiana for college.
Sloan and Con with be leaving this Saturday.
I just parked in the bank parking lot and cried.

I'm not very good at goodbyes.

This girl is so sweet and so cute. She knows be better than a lot of people.
And I love her so much.
I don't remember crying like this since my brother left.
Goodbyes just aren't my thing...

I love you Al! I always will.
We'll be together soon..

Too much crying tonight. Love.
Laura

P.S. So much for dieting alll freaking day. I ended up with a 64 oz Dr. Pepper to undo my whole day of good/no eating. Sigh. Better luck next time.

I'mma Cynic. So Sue Me.

Tonight I watched a young couple come into my work. They were holding hands, and as I continued to watch them, I realized I was mentally having a conversation with the girl.
"He will hurt you. I promise he will. He will let you think that you mean the world to him.
You don't."

Since when did I become such a cynic to love? Well, since I've watched it fail over and over again. Miserably.
Yes, I have seen it work out. With my parents. And family members. That's about it.
I realized that having been crushed by guy after guy has done damage to my mental view of
love.
Not just normal crushing. But cheating and lying.
Love is a wonderful, beautiful thing. I still believe in love.... Don't I?

Every time I see a couple in public, even if they aren't all over each other, I automatically think the worst. "He's cheating on you." "He doesn't even love you anymore." "He's using you."
A friend was telling me about his first kiss the other day when he said "But I don't want to do it too much. I want to keep it special." My automatic thought was "Yeah right."

I really do WANT to believe in love. I'm so grateful for aunts and uncles, and my mother and my father. For showing me what true love is.

I'm gonna work on this whole "believing in love" thing.
And I'm grateful to the genuinely good guys out there. Treat your women right.
K??? K.

Thanks for listening to my random cynical-ness.
Loves. Laura.

Day Five. What You Would Find In My Bag

Okay. So this is slightly blurry, but it's my purse and it's contents.


Brown vintage leather bag: Decades
Gold wallet: Forever 21
2 panti liners
2 pens
Orbit gum
Sticky note with days to ask off work
My keys/keychains
The latest letter from one of my best friends Logan!

This is super random :) Hope you enjoyed my purse. And hope yall are still loving my blog.
Laur.

What a Life.

Looked at buying a car today. Might be getting it :) It's so cute.
Gotta head to work in a little. Mehhh.
Room and bathroom are still clean. HECK YEAH. Lol.
On thursday I'm going to a pool party.
Friday is the Waking Ashland concert. Ooooo. :)
Saturday is the huge end of summer party.
My week is about to be awesome.
I seriously need to get crackin on that AP summer english project. Bleh.

Just a little update. My life is great. :) Love to all.
Laur.

Fw: Auuugust? What!?

Okay. So now I am blogging from my email. Whiiich, I don't really see the point in. Unless you are on a computer where blogspot is blocked? Hm. Idk. Just for fun I guess (: I hate typing with these acrylic nails. Love them though. Speaking of which, my lovely cousin Shelby just gave me and pedi and we talked about life. I do love life. I just need to get back on the right track. I'm definitely in a shlump. It's gotta change. I found out blogging isn't that awesome from my phone. Wanna know why? Well. Because. If I send more than one page, which, uhm, hello, it's me, then it posts it as different blog entries for each page. LAME. Bah. Oh well. It was almost cool. You guys, IT'S AUGUST. Crap. Where'd the summer go!??!? Sigh. Things I need to do before school starts: Get a new phone plan/new phone Buy a car... crrrrrap. AP English project.. (Shoot. None of this is fun stuff so far.) Sisterhood sleepover :) Last one of the summer before the girls head off to college.. Last camping trip with my family Stretch, stretch, stretch. Man, I have let my flexibility go :( UHm. :) Yeah. AHHHHH. 22 days of freedom left :( I gotta make the most of it. Tomorrow I got back to work after 5 days in a row off. Nonsense. Ugh. Lucky to have a job... But.. But.. My summer. BUCK UP LAURA. :) I love you all. Thanks for reading. Yours truly.

Huh.

It's 3:20 AM.
My allergies are terrible.
This chair won't stop squeaking.
I'm tired, but not sleepy.
And I'm in a terrible mood. [Obviously carried over from yesterday.]

Why.am.i.even.up?

good night wonderful bloggers. or good morning. depending on how you see it.

love to all.

i hate girls.

that's all.

A day in bed is what I need.

Have you ever just been upset for no good reason? Sad, for no good reason? Idk why. But that's what I am. Sad. Whyyy..?
I don't even know what to write about! I feel like I wanna pour my soul out and get it all out there.. But I dunno where to begin.

I'm just sitting here, tapping my acrylic nails on the keys, smelling homemade peanut butter cookies, and wondering what in the world I have to be upset about. What DO I have to be upset about?

My current schedule: I'm LUCKY and blessed to have a job.
My current relationship status: I can't trust anyone anymore anyways [that was a lot of any's] and I'm in high school, it shouldn't matter.
My brother and Logan being gone: They're where they are supposed to be.
My friends leaving for college: We all have to say goodbye sometime..

If yall have been keeping up with zee blog, you'll know I haven't been able to cry for the past two months. Not a drop. And it's been KILLING me. On Friday I went over to my aunt's house and she gave me the most meaningful present I have ever received. The tears started to FLOW.

Ever since then, it has been EMOTIONAL Laura. I'm having such a hard time getting used to it. Haha. Romantic stories told by Sloan over lunch: tears. The mention of my guy friends all being on LDS missions this time next year: tears. Telling Sloan she is one of my best friends: tears. Writing an email to my brother: tears. Bike ride: tears. Ipod: tears.

WHAT IS THIS NEW THING CALLED TEARS?!?!
It's super weird. I don't know if I like it or not.
Some would call it PMS. I promise, it isn't.

I guess I'm just struggling with change? With heartbreak? With feeling alone even though I KNOW I have people on all sides of me.

I need one of my best friends. Come lay in my bed with me all day. Listen to music. Eat food. Bring me a Seventeen magazine. Wallow with me. Stay in sweat pants. No makeup. Siiiigh. :( That is what I need. If my brother was here, he would. Minus the Seventeen magazine part. Hah.

I think I just need a break. A day off from the world. Not even leaving my room. Hm. Maybe I will.. Except I work tomorrow and the next day. Maybe Wednesday will be my lazy day.
K. I'll stop typing now.

Love to you guys. Thank you always for reading.
Laur.

Addict.

Addiction. Click that link! This dance is incredible. And definitely portrays what I want to blog about right now; Saying goodbye and addiction. They kinda go hand in hand.

How do you know when to say goodbye?

A few weeks ago, I said goodbye to one of my best friends. He knew me better than a lot of people in this world know me. I keep asking myself why I said goodbye.

I needed to. To grow as a person. To learn how to become happy on my own. To separate myself from the lies. To get out of a dramatic place; A place of deceit. A never ending cycle of being lost.

When someone you love hurts you, it kills. It truly does. So does saying goodbye mean I don't forgive? Of course not. I need to take care of myself, and that is how I'm doing it. I separate myself, I take care of myself and get my head on straight.

I'm assuming that when you are reading this, you are thinking of someone in your own life. Who is either hurting you physically, emotionally, mentally. Saying goodbye doesn't mean you don't love them, you can still love them. But take some space for yourself. Take care of who you are.

Whether it's a bad habit, a hurtful person, drugs, whatever; Better yourself. Become the person you want and get rid of whatever it is keeping you down. Unaddict yourself.

Become the person you have always wanted.
Saying goodbye is hard. But once you get past the hard part, it's like a breath of fresh air.
Sigh.
This has been a hard blog to write. Part of me feels like highlighting it all, and pressing back space.
But no.
I am gonna press 'publish post'.
Sigh.

My love to you all. Laura.