i love college. eyyyy.

so i haven't blogged in forever and a day.
and for that, i apologize.

i am now living on my own.
going to suu.
hanging out with my three favorite boys.
we are the core four and they are already some of my best friends.

also have a core four with some girls in my hall.
they are sweet.

living on my own is the bomb.
but i need a job.
i am so poor right now.
i have about 25 dollars to my name.
yikes.

i'm losing weight like crazy and i love it.
i straightened my hair today for the first time in almost a year probably?
craziness.

my life is still pretty boring.
i've noticed this in the past week: i am awkward around girls.
i like hanging with dudes a lot better.
baseball.
video games.

i hate girls..
haha.

that's all for now.
xox

so i just got a new keyboard for my ipad.

and it is for sure a gooooooood time.

If I Choose

I am going to start laughing more and crying less.
I'm going to stop feeling sorry for myself.
I'm going to start wearing more fun and spunky outfits like I wore today.
(I would post a picture.. But I can't figure it out via iPad. Any tips would be very appreciated!)

I'm going to continue to ride the pink, beach bike. Everywhere I can.
And continue listening to the oh so wonderful voice of Andrew Allen; if you like goodness, I would suggest checking him out.
And Parachute. He Is We. Damato. I Call Fives. Sparks The Rescue.
Greatness of all sorts.
In fact, I want to be listening to music 23 out of 24 hours of the day.

Hang out more with people who matter to me and I matter to them.
And less with people who don't.

Smile more. Why not?

Make more friends and less enemies.
I'm going to stop caring about what I eat.

I've started going to the gym every friday. And I'm going to continue to do it. And feel great.
I'm going to just wear my hair curly every day, let it loose, let it go wild.

More juice.

I went to the farmers market and got henna and had delicious samples.
Went on a blind date last night to a Real soccer game. What a blast.
Went to two concerts this week, both so different and so enjoyable.

I do lead a lovely life.
So what if continual hardships come my way? Nothing I can't handle, yeah?

I am going to stop going out and spending money on food.
Im going to dance in more places, and take chances. And risks.

Goodness. Today is an epiphany sort of day.

Much love, Laura.

room

maybe i don't have room in my life right now.

i've had one true friend lately.
i'm frustrated and tired.
working every day.
going to concerts on thursday and friday.
BEYOND excited.. it'll be much needed.

i love summer.
got a new room/switched with my sister.
my closet is HUGE. :)

got an Ipad 2 for graduation.
amazing.
yes.

i'm going to bed.
that is my stupid update on life.

i've been boring lately.

it's true, i have.
and who in heaven's name is going to want to read a blog post entitled "i've been boring lately."?
not many people.

i've been working working working.
i smell like subway. i was there for 7.5 hours today.

i want it to be august already.
i want to move, and move to cedar city.
i want to find out who my roommate is and plan exciting things together..
.. i hope we get along.

i want to stop stressing about money for college and find out what my fafsa gave me.
please be a lot.

i want to switch rooms to have a bigger room with a bigger closet.
i need that actually..

i obviously want a lot.
but it's all quite simple.

logan, my missionary friend, comes home in a month and 5 days.
today was his birthday.
:) happy birthday dear red head.

i have felt like i only have a few true friends lately..
for those people-- i'm truly grateful.
i love the people who give me support in my life.

i know this is a boring post.
i just don't have much going on in my life except for planning college and WORK.

i am going to trek at the end of june..
i have no idea what possessed me to do that...
ugh. regretting it already.
then family reunion and CAAAAAAAALI in july.
and school in august.
just counting the days. :]

xoxo
Laura.

lucky charms

where to begin this post?

i graduated.
that's cool i guess.

i got my first massage.
it was more awkward than i expected it to be.
the whole naked thing just felt a wee bit strange.
went to celebrate ali's birthday.
happy birthday you 19 year old asian!

right now it's about 1:30 am and I'm eating lucky charms.
i eat all the little graham things first.
that way i can reward myself by eating all the marshmellows at once.
i think it's a pretty great deal.

life is still pretty stressful outside of high school. who knew?
trying to figure out job stuff.. not going so well.
trying to figure out school stuff.. also not going so well.
check engine light in my car is still on..
still waiting on my new phone to arrive.. praying that the warranty covers it.

EVERYTHING IS SORE.

i'm growing tired of keeping everyone's secrets. i just want to blurt them all out.
right here.
right now.

blank told me that blank is still doing blank with blank.
and blank told me that blank has been doing blank behind my back and blank would like to know who told me about blank.
A;ELFAE;LFJ;ALJF;AEIALISFISAFKCZLKFJLKERHERALK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*&%$#%$#
honestly.

so i saw "the roommate" this weekend. creep. beyond creep. just plain strange.

starting tomorrow i am putting myself back on a sleeping and eating schedule.
i have gotten majorly out of hand.
today i worked. tomorrow i work. the next day i work.
lovely.
i really actually don't mind my job.
just hate the fact that i have to work sundays.

but life doesn't always work out how you plan. better get used to it..

xo. Laura.

A Ridiculous Amount

Of time.
It's been a ridiculous amount of time since I last posted, and I figure I should do something about it.
So here goes nothing.

You have to understand I have more than one best friend. I have ... five. Ish. And a lot of these updates are about my best friends; so bear with.

A best friend of mine Devyn: today was his birthday. Happy birthday bu. :) I love that kid and we are so very similar.
If I were a guy, it'd be him. Ha, strange, but true.

Another best friend of mine, Ali, is home for the summer, unexpectedly.
---She just showed up at my work, and we stared at each other, and I asked what she was doing. She told me she came home for the summer. We ran to each other and hugged and cried. Tender.
We talked about everything today.
There is just something different about talking to her than anyone else.

I'm graduating high school in a week. This is insane. What am I doing? Who am I?
I'm so excited. (:
Excited isn't even the right world.
ESTATIC.

My sleeping schedule has been so yicky lately. Earlier this week-- I slept for 21 hours straight.
There may be something wrong with me.

I don't have much else to say.
Oh, sent out my graduation announcements today.
Weird.
They looked like this:



Exciting I guess.

On a sadder note,
the screen on my ipod cracked. Still works though.
My phone just STOPPED working... need to send it in and see if my warranty covers it...
The check engine light in my car came on.

All this nonsense started to fall apart within 2 days.
Oh, and today I paid 45 dollars in parking fines.
THAT's awesome...

I've felt put together lately.
Since when am I composed?
I feel like I need to run wild.
I'm not used to being the grown up one.
I don't think I like it.

Been listening to this song nonstop:
If It Means A Lot To You -A Day To Remember
LOOOOOOOOVE.

Life is pretty good for the most part.
There are huge downs and huge ups.
It's a rolllercoooooassssterrr!

All my love,

sure am learning it.

I wish I was just 'fine' all the time.
Because when you're happy it's just such a long ways down to sadness,
but at least when I fall from being fine to being bad it isn't that big of a drop.

Does that make sense?

Nah, probably not.

It's one in the morning and I'm sitting here eating salt and vinegar chips.
I want more than anything to be able to cry right now.
But I can't cry, as much as I want to, as much as I would like to force myself to,
I can't.
Isn't that just STUPID?

Laura: Hey, body, it's yourself again. Uhm, could you just give up a few tears? Ya know? Release some kind of emotion?
Body: Nah, thanks, I'm just going to be as stubborn as possible and bottle it up forever and ever until you're sixty when it's all going to come flooding out once you hit menopause.

Hahahaha. I have no idea where that little conversation came from.
It was pretty humourous to me though.

I haven't talked things out with myself via blog for quite awhile now. It feels nice.

Laur: What are you doing?
I have no idea.
Hah, I'm not sad or depressed.
There's no reason for that.
Nor am I upset.

I am quitely pounding my fists inside.
That may be a strange thing to say and it may not make sense, but it portrays how I'm feeling perfectly.

Still trying to figure out college stuff. Thought I had it all figured out... Nope.
SUU is back in to the possibilities.
Shoot.

Dance concert is over.
AP tests are over.
Now time to focus on making money.
College=money.
Bummmmmmer.

I just want to have a good time.
Why can't my heart or my head let me do that?

Because you're Laura.

You're the girl that puts up walls and then instead of slowly letting people get through them,
you crush every wall and let people storm the city.
That, or Option B: you never take the walls down.

You're the girl that lets herself stay up till three am, just because you hate to lay down in bed with all those thoughts. You stay up till you can hardly stand to keep your eyes open any longer.

You laugh loudly, and you say too many sarcastic remarks; that's why people are scared of you, you know that right?
People think you're stuck up. Little do they know, you're just guarded.

You're just fine darling, don't worry about it.
At least that's what I'll keep telling myself.

love. la.

Today Is My Day.

Nope, I am not a mother.
Today is my birthday.
And I'm eighteen years old.
I have the best family and friends I could ask for.

xo :)

p.s. yeah, that's me on a 110 ft cliff.
life rocks.

When all else fails.. Blog it out.

a.;ejklrnh;wlai34jr;lawjr;lasej;lfjaselkfjl;asejf;lksdjavrbwnmph5g8wvtuelicdu;feigrjy5wjgquk;fgt7gjursdmh;ngwn;efo4mhe;liwu;
okay. sorry, i'm done with that now.

do you ever have so much pent up anger and frustration and excitement and annoyance and anxiety inside of you that you just want to explode?

Yeah. I'm feeling that.
I pant like a dog; short little breaths, releasing everything I'm feeling.
Or I type, like so. (above)

There is so much inside of me right now.
I can hardly explain.
And that's why I'm blogging.
I've gotta let it all out.

To this picture below: I say YES.


AP tests need to end so then all I have to truly focus on is the drama that people create.
And that I get mixed up in...
Everyone loooves their drama.
That's fine. That's life.

I just wanna run; in my case, jogging.
I want to go shopping and buy cute, ridiculous things, that people are outraged by.
--Going shopping soon! Once I have a free day. :)
I want to eat fruit every single morning.
Sometimes, I just want to chuck my phone across the room and stop texting people. --Sometimes I do.
I want to sleep in my car.
It's serene in there.
I just want to be.
Is that too much to ask?

I love who I am, but sometimes I wish I could just start over.Ya know? Different town, different people, clean slate.
I would if I could.

I love every person in my life..
They all just take turns frustrating me.

But what would I do without them?
:]

Ready for an adventure...

Life is busy. Dance rehearsals all this week.
Dance concert, Friday and Saturday. Come if you can! It's at Viewmont. :)
AP tests are next week, along with my birthday and prom.
All I can think of that I want for my birthday is shoes.. And I don't need more shoes.
Should I go with gray vans or red toms?
Give me your opinion please.

I'm missing my brother a lot.
I miss hanging out with him and running random errands.

I got pulled over for the first time yesterday.
It was scary.
Didn't even get a warning though, so that was nice.
Just need to remember to stop for 3 seconds at those stop signs. Hah.

Been happier lately. For no reason at all.
It might be because I haven't been at work in a while..
I love most of the people I work with.. If I worked with Linds every night it'd be easier to be happier.
It's just a stressful job.
But I need the money..
After these busy two weeks I'll be back to working.
Blehhh.

This summer Elise and I are going to Cali for our senior trip.
So excited.
Beach every day.
Photoshoots.
Getting tan.
SUN.
Shopping.
Excitement beyond belief.
Booked the hotel today!
Talked about flights..
It's just downright, overwhelmingly, exciting.
I can't think about it too much because then I just go into slacker mode and want to give up on school altogether.
Must remain strong.

I love my friends.
I honestly don't have a lot of close friends that I feel like I can turn to.
But those few people who I trust and love: thank you.
You mean the world to me.

Tomorrow is a new day and the beginning of a new week.

Goals:
Smile. Every day.
Be nice and try and talk to people in my dance class.. I don't fit in with the most of them, but I'll be spending the entire week with them so I might as well try.
Eat a lot healthier. I've been eating junk lately.
Save money.
Wear my retainer every night.
Try something new every day.
Pray every night.

Just be happy. :)

This looks like a depressing picture of me; it's not. Just serious.


xoxo Laura.

Just Talking To Myself

Yes, I wish I had an easier job. I can't stand my job.

But you're lucky to have one.. A lot of people don't.

Yeah, I wish people didn't lie to me; it's like a regular occurrence lately.

It's fine, that's people for you.
"You believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself."

I wish people kept their promises,

they don't, so get used to it. No one is perfect.

I wish my bank account was bottomless.

Hey, at least there is something in there, right?

And I have always wished that I could change someone's life. For the good.

And maybe, just maybe, someday you will.

I wish I wasn't so sore.

But that's okay. The muscles are just getting stronger.
You are getting stronger.

via

Just wishing to myself.
Life'll be okay.
I know it will.
Maybe I'm meant for little things.
And maybe I'm meant for huge things..
I am just going to have to wait and see.

I didn't realize until one of my friends started doin it, but I constantly complain.
I complain on my blog.
I complain on facebook.
I complain at work.
I complain at school.
I complain to my family.

LIFE IS HARD. GET OVER IT AND BE HAPPY.

There is never going to be a time for more than a day where everything is absolutely perfect.

So accept it and move on.
Mmkk self?
Mmk.

Love.
I hope you find everything you're looking for..

Here's the deal.

There's probably a lot of people who don't like me or don't respect me.
Go ahead and judge.

That is fine.

Because guess what.
I've come to terms.
And I love myself.
I'm trying my best..

Tonight was a good night.
I have best friends who love me enough to massage my wrists when they're sore.
yes, my wrists.

two dance rehearsals today.
i love the feeling of dancing.
it feels.. completing. helps me pull my life a little bit together.

peace.

meh.

wearing eddie's gray hat and my new runner runner t shirt today.
dunno why, but i love this outfit.
i look like a dude; that is fine with me.

i'm really done with work.
i'm just not a fan of my job.
i am a fan of money, however. unfortunate combo.

6 am dance rehearsal today mixed with me not getting off work till 11:30 last night..?
tired as all get out.

need to finish my online class today.
badly.
lots to do, not a lot of motivation.

"things change. and people leave. and life doesn't stop for anyone."
i cried myself to sleep last night; ridiculous.
i need to buck up.
i'm ready to go under the covers, never come back.

sigh. i'll get through this. Just an off day..

sick

i'm sick.
i'm so sick.
not only do my teeth and gums hurt, and my stomach [just threw up] and my head is pounding.
but my spirit is sick.

i've lost part of myself this past week.

not trying to be dramatic. but i really don't know who i want to be anymore.
i need two seperate lives. my party life, and my goodie church life.
both would make me happy; just in different ways.

it has been a spring break i will never forget.
some good ways; some bad ways.

tomorrow i'm going to a rocket to the moon concert.
so stoked.
they are playing with runner runner and go radio. it should be a good time.
much needed.

there are very few people who are my true friends right now.
and for that, i am very grateful.

i miss my brother. and i need him badly right now.

this week i'm gonna kick school in the trash.
just you wait and see.
i hope..

xo.


p.s. this photo made me cry.

Hey, this one is for you.

yeah, you bi.



Been having an amazing spring break. Much more amazing-ness to come I hope.
I love my friends.
xoxo Laura

How I Spent My First Day of Spring Break:

...Mixed with some movies and food and friends. I am truly blessed.

Sorry my updates have been so short lately. So much going on. So much happiness. The only thing that would make me more happy: SUNSHINE AND WARMTH.
Winter just keeps trying to make a comeback.
I'm ready for summer. Ready for shorts and lying in the grass.

xox Laur

Regrets.

You Could Be Happy

You're right, picture below, I could be happy.
So I should probably try and figure my life out..

I'm not sure why I keep thinking this over and over again, or what it means, so I'm just going to type it out and try and make sense of it.

I hate how everything in life is so fake.

That's my thought for this night. The world is so fake. So many people, especially people at my school are just so fake. I can hardly stand it. Why not be straight up and be yourself?
I just don't get it.

That's all that's on my mind tonight.
I have a headache.
Going to a jazz game tomorrow.
Working Saturday.
Next week is spring break, hells yes.
Seriously, I cannot wait to just party it up with no school.
Hm.
I'm tired.

Loves.

P.S. Have you seen the show 'Mobbed'? I love it.